I'm turning over a new leaf. It used to be that when someone did something I thought was stupid I'd smack my forehead and think to myself, "What is wrong with that person?!" Now, I'm learning to see from others' perspectives, in an effort to understand what is wrong with them. I'm just kidding. But really, I figure most people are generally good and generally trying to do what's best for themselves and their families. Giving others the benefit of a doubt helps me to feel less annoyed at people and life in general.
That being said, I'm examining a new topic: childhood modesty in the LDS community. Allow me to illuminate where I come from. When I was growing up, I adhered to the strictest standards of modesty. Pretty much, if it's in For The Strength of Youth, I lived it. All my shirts had sleeves. All my shorts and skirts went to the knee, my swimsuits were always one-piece, and I never wore those tight belly shirts that were so popular. I grew up understanding that my body is special, made in the image of God, and that modesty is something God expects all of His children to observe. When it came time to enter the temple and make sacred covenants with God (necessitating the wearing of temple garments for the rest of my life), I threw out two or three tops that were questionable and I was good.
But now it's my turn to dress my daughter to those standards, and I'm having a problem. Everywhere I go, the clothes are just not meeting those standards. Why? It's the basic economic concept of supply and demand. The stores stock what people buy. So why then, in Happy Valley Utah, are all the stores stocked with sleeveless tops and short bottoms? Because people here buy them. Not just those who don't adhere to LDS standards, but regular, active, endowed LDS people. This is where the forehead-smacking-resisting feeling comes in. I'm perplexed.
I'm genuinely trying to understand why women I respect, who have strong testimonies of the Gospel are dressing their little girls as little divas. Here are a few of the things I imagine these moms are thinking:
1.Nothing. I think some of these moms don't even realize that what they are putting on their kids is immodest. (This blows my mind, but I'll get to this one in #2.)
2. "Modesty is subjective. You may interpret modesty as needing to dress like a nun, while I see no problem with a tank top or short shorts." As far as the Church goes, standards of modesty are clear. If the clothing wouldn't cover garments, it is not modest. These standards are spelled out even more clearly in the For The Strength of Youth pamphlet. I may be extreme, but as this is publication is written by prophets and published by the Church, I see it as scripture.
3. "Modesty is not a commandment." The scriptures tell us very clearly that your body is a temple, and if you defile it, God will destroy you. I guess it boils down to how you interpret the word "defile". But as in every commandment, there is a spectrum of ways to break it. You are of course, free to choose the level of your obedience, but it is a commandment.
4. "Modesty only applies starting at a certain age or place in life." What? Why? If it is a doctrinal principle, it is eternal. Moral standards are not affected by age. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Right? I see this going both ways, for good or for bad. Allowing your kids to fudge the rules when they are kids teaches them that the Gospel can be lived a la carte. When children aren't old enough to decide for themselves or provide their own clothes, it is our responsibility to teach them by example.
Working with young women, I see that modesty is something they sometimes struggle with. Especially as they get a little older and begin going to school dances and things, these girls are faced with a real challenge when it comes to having the will to follow the standards they are being taught. If these standards are relatively new, and aren't something they've been expected to live all their lives, you can bet they will have a much harder time when they are in their teens, facing pressure from the media and from their peers. Those who have already made modesty a lifelong habit are given the advantage.
If you don't hold your kids to this standard, I'll do my best to give you the benefit of a doubt. I'll assume you simply haven't thought about it in that way, or that you don't think it's a big deal. I know we all struggle with different things, and no one needs another pointing finger telling us we're not good enough. We need to pick our battles in this momming business. I just ask that you pick the battles that will most benefit your kids, not just in this life, but forever.
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