Blowing Off Steam

Have you ever thought of the phrase "blow off steam"? This phrase refers to the need to relieve pressure and hot air in order to prevent an explosion. It's an accurate description of the human need to express one's feelings, or risk the explosive consequences.

I have a philosophy that my friends and family are all very familiar with: say what you mean and don't say it if you don't mean it.

It can take a lot of courage to say exactly what you think, especially if you were brought up in a family environment where adverse opinions were frowned upon and discussing anything controversial was thought of as "fighting". If this is the case, you have probably avoided confrontation ever since, even at the expense of friendships and close family relationships. This is unhealthy, and can only lead to superficial relationships, at best.

People need to learn to express their feelings in a way that is truly productive. The trick is finding the balance: choosing your battles, so to speak. When is it worth it? When not saying anything will do even more damage than speaking your mind.

Those who learn to speak their mind are often surprised at how quickly and easily things are resolved once they do. They ball up their fists and brace themselves for the big blow, only to find that their recipient is, albeit taken aback, willing to work with them. Assuming they have a semi-rational audience, their issues are usually treated with respect and understanding. Your delivery is huge too. Don't expect even the most rational and mature person to keep their poise if you throw a personal attack.

It's okay to disagree with a person's opinions and choices. It's alright to voice your thougts about they way they treat you or the way in which they conduct their lives, in some circumstances. There is a time and place for all of that. There is no place, however, for mud slingling and name-calling just for the sake of ill feelings. Just because one wants to argue does not mean one needs to fight.

Please say what you really mean. Please stop holding grudges. Grudges will eat you up from the inside and burn relationships to the ground far faster than anything I know. Make place in your life for constructive, honest expression of feelings.

So the next time you have a conflict with someone, ask yourself, is this something I can resolve on my own? If not, say something. You will feel better, you will be more honest, and your relationships will take on new depths you never knew were possible.