Love @ Home: Living the Dream

When I was young and began dating, my dad gave me this bit of advice (among others): When you are dating, keep both eyes wide open. But when you get married, only keep one eye half open. If you're not familiar with the phrase, it means that before marriage, it is important to be very aware of any flaws, weaknesses or incompatibility so you can assess whether or not you can have a successful relationship, and so you can make effective adjustments. But when you get married, the time for filtering is over, and you must choose to be happy with your choice, by minimizing faults and flaws and focusing instead on your partner's strengths.

Much of this is common knowledge, to some degree. But I've recently had my eyes opened to a near parallel of this concept that I hadn't before considered: home ownership.

When you are searching for a home to buy, you are thorough and try to weed out any homes that might be problematic or too much of a strain. You aim to stay within your means while accommodating your family situation, work location and other community factors. Once the house papers are signed and the keys are yours though, does that change?

I live in a neighborhood full of beautiful houses. Most of them boast more than 4 bedrooms and have more than enough square footage for a family of 6. Many have large, landscaped yards and lavish extras throughout. All are within walking distance of a community park and church, and a 10 minute drive to the local grocery stores and restaurants. Yet despite all these rather luxurious circumstances, I've heard several of my neighbors express (within just the last 2-3 months) that this is "obviously" not their dream home, and that they really have something much better in mind.

Why?

Maybe I'm just young and naive and still getting used to the idea of owning my own home at all, but after nearly 3 years of this, I'm still over the moon about my home! I can paint it however I like! I can run around and yell and play my music without disturbing neighbors with whom I might share walls or the floor (unlike in an apartment). I can come and go as I please, and let's not forget this most important detail: I chose this place for my home. 

I guess what I'm having a hard time understanding is this: why are people waiting to be totally happy with their living situation until they have found their absolute ideal home? Is it from a feeling of entitlement and accompanying lack of gratitude for the massive and incomprehensible blessing and privilege of owning a home of your very own? Maybe that's too harsh. Perhaps it's the idea that we should always be working upward toward a larger goal. Whatever it is, I propose that we not put off happiness in our living arrangement until we realize our dreams. 

One thought about dreams:

Some dreams are better left as dreams. Sometimes it is a beautiful thing to have something to daydream about and wish for but never actually attain. Some things, if given to us are tarnished by the reality of the hard work, maintenance and ultimate monotony with which they will eventually come. Some things are better left as a shining thought to turn to when our own humongous blessings manage to become monotonous to us.

If you are fortunate enough to have a place to call your own, remember why you chose it. See the good in it, the potential it contains and the memories it can provide. See it for the good, warmth, safety and shelter from the world it gives to you and just remember that your "normal" home is someone else's dream.

Cautionary Candor

I'm going to approach this one with relative caution, because it is an issue I see all too frequently among my friends on social media. My disclaimer: I am writing this in a effort to protect you and your kids.

I don't like scare tactics, and I apologize if any of this comes across as such. I will do my best to present facts and avoid sensationalizing the subject.

The topic of the day: nude or  semi-nude pictures of your kids on social media.

As many of you know, I've taken a rather hard-nosed approach to modesty, and this may be an extension of that stance. Regardless of my personal feelings on the matter, here are some things for you to consider:

-Sexual predators are getting smarter and sneakier than ever before.
-Pedophiles and predators are very patient and spend months and even years "grooming" their victims, including the parents of potential victims. This means that the take the time to build friendships and trust so that they will not be suspected.
-Not all sexual predators are known and documented. Some of them, either documented or not, likely live in your community.
-Statistically speaking, it is likely that at least one of your social media followers has pedophilic tendencies.

That said, I am feeling more and more concerned about the number of nude or semi-nude photos I've seen my friends share of their children. I get it-- they're adorable! They're just little kids! But in my opinion, there is no place for child nudity on social media. Many parents choose not to share photos of their children at all, and although this may be extreme, it is one of the only ways of preventing any predators or pedophiles from accessing images of your child.

Simply put, you just don't know where your photos may end up, who may be seeing them, and what they may be getting out of them.

There have been numerous disturbing reports lately of social media users who have stolen images of other's children in order to claim they are their own, or use them as bartering material on child porn sites and forums. This is sickening to me, and largely preventable.

What can you do?

1. Refrain from posting images that could be construed as sexual or explicit.
2. Refrain from posting images that show more skin than you would be comfortable with a pedophile viewing. (This includes bath photos, cake smash photos, or just chillin' in diapers or undies photos.)
3. Be aware of your privacy settings and only allow those you trust to view photos of your kids at all.
4. Change your settings so that you must approve images others tag of you or your kids or put on your profile in order for them to be posted.
5. Use your head. Think before posting.

These are some of my own personal preferences. I know most of you won't (or maybe don't even need to) change anything as a result of this post, but I urge you to at least put a little more thought into the pictures you share. In all compassion for those who struggle with child attraction, don't let your kid be one of their triggers. It may not be your responsibility to keep others' thoughts clean, but it is your responsibility to protect your children from those who might see them as anything more than cute little babies.

Sneaky Sodium

The Great Divide

It used to be that Americans in general became more and more overweight. Obesity became the epidemic that was universal across all demographics, and people didn't seem to know what to do about it. Fad diets, weight-loss pills and natural remedies abounded. Finally, people began to wise up. In the past decade, a revolution has begun. More and more people are taking control of their health, and consequently, losing weight. There is a growing division between those who are taking control and those who continue to follow the comfortable road.

The Education

While the Internet has been readily available to most of us for over a decade, many Americans are just beginning to tap into the wealth of education it provides, beyond the vast collection of memes and images of cats. We are starting to take advantage of the information that is freely available to us, and to utilize this resource in the improvement of the quality of our lives. Empowering and informative websites have become a regular part of our lives, and we are learning, once again, how to learn.

As we've become more educated about the human body and how it works, we have learned a lot about fats. As we've focused on ridding ourselves of excess body fat, the fat in our diets have come into focus. Those in marketing caught onto this way of thinking and countered with a new line of "low-fat", "fat-free" and "reduced-fat" products. Yet Americans continued to gain weight. As time went on, research brought us into a new way of thinking. Now the focus is on sugars. Many people are pointing the finger at these simple carbohydrates as the perpetrator of Fat America. People are beginning to wise up, and it is helping them lose weight.

The Hidden Culprit

And yet, with all this education and all this understanding, we are missing one of the biggest and most prevalent problems. The number one killer in the US is heart disease. This is caused by many things, but one thing stands out: sodium. Sodium is an extremely common ingredient that takes the form of numerous preservatives throughout our diets.

The Misunderstanding

Many people, upon hearing the word "sodium" automatically think of salt. While salt is made in part by sodium, it is not one and the same. When people think about the sodium in their diet, they think of the things that are salty: potato chips, French fries, meats and the extra salt they sprinkle on top of their veggies. What they fail to understand is that some of the foods with the most sodium are things that don't even taste very salty! Canned foods, boxed dinners, deli meats and anything else with preservatives have far higher sodium content than your salt-sprinkled broccoli. Even the bread products you consume have surprisingly high sodium content.

Dieticians recommend that we consume 2000 milligrams or less of sodium per day. The average American consumes 4000-5000 milligrams of sodium daily, and it is no wonder people are dying every day of heart disease. High sodium intake increases water retention in fat molecules and interstitial space. In can increase blood pressure and contribute to obesity and chronic illness.

So yes, we understand that we should go easy on the butter. We know now not to drink our calories and avoid excess sugar. We know we should exercise regularly. But it's time to get a handle on the sodium problem. Take a look at the labels on your food and you will be surprised at how much sodium you really do eat.

A Balance

I'm not suggesting that sodium is evil and should be made illegal in the US. What I am saying is that it is poorly regulated and that a balance needs to be achieved.

My husband and I decided to make a goal to consume 1000 milligrams or less sodium each day. Within a month we each dropped 10 pounds. We felt more energy and general wellness.

As we continue the crusade for our own health, it's definitely something worth investigation.

Effectual Gratitude

This time of year is beautiful. The air turns crisp, crunchy leaves cover the ground in bright, happy colors and the smells of warmth and good food come from homes all over the neighborhood. As Thanksgiving draws closer, many are reminded that they have so much for which to be thankful. Many compile lists, or name the objects of their gratitude online. Some make it a matter of prayer, to thank the Lord for their blessings.

We are all truly given so much in life, whether we see and acknowledge it or not. At times of gratitude, we may ask ourselves how we can better show our appreciation for what we have been given. Many of us are fairly adept at using words to express our gratitude, whether in a note, in conversation, or in a simple “thank you”. But when it comes to showing it, we are sometimes at a bit of a loss.

Knowing that I should treat others the way I wish to be treated, I decided to turn this scenario around. When I give a gift, how do I want appreciation to be shown for it? Thanks are nice, yes, but more than that is the actual attention given to the gift: to take care of it, and to use it. If I give my friend a gift and she says “thank you” but never uses it, or lets it get ruined, her actions seem to contradict her words.

Let us be people of action, and not words alone.

Some of the greatest and most important gifts we are given in life are that of stewardship. The Lord trusts us with responsibilities that are large, and often daunting. He gives us lucrative careers, warm homes, spouses and children. He gives us talents and strengths. How can we show Him our gratitude? It is in the way that we treat these things.

Show gratitude for your job by doing it well. Show gratitude for your home by keeping it clean and in good repair. Show gratitude for the people in your life by treating them with kindness and respect. Show gratitude for your family by giving them the very best you have, and not whatever is left over after your job, religious and social obligations are met. Love the things you are given. Cherish them in practice. Couple your words of thanksgiving with true evidence of appreciation.

As we strive to express our gratitude, the meaning of the season will fill our souls with warmth and light.

The Far-sighted Present

I recently found myself caught between two very different worlds. I was clicking through some creative photo shopped images online, and stumbled across a gruesome photo of a little girl, brutally killed in the Gaza conflict. The person who posted it was making a point that there are more important things to be viewing and educating ourselves in online than tiny people inflating raisins to make grapes.

It worked. The image shocked me and shook me up.

As I turned to the news to get an idea of what was happening in the Middle East, I felt all the feelings I usually feel when reading grim news stories: Shock, pain, frustration, confusion, depression and hopelessness. My view of the world began to darken and I felt helpless to change it.

Then my son squealed with delight at something he was playing with and my attention snapped back to the present. My home, filled with light and life. My family, who gives me daily joy in the challenge of parenting and homemaking. My husband, who encourages me and strengthens me. My beliefs, which buoy me up and give me direction.

Across the globe, wars continue to rage on. And what is to be done? Where should my focus be? I don't want to in any way downplay the horrible and catastrophic events that take place each day. They are real, and serious, and deserve some attention.

Some, but not all.

I embrace the philosophy of living in the here and now. I need to appreciate the peace and the calm and the order that (usually) prevails in my home. I have a purpose in life, and although I believe in being educated in current events, I believe that that education should not overshadow or replace the current events in one's own home. We may learn from the conflicts of others, so that as we strengthen our own home and our own family-- the fundamental unit of society-- we can, in our own small way, and in our own scope of responsibility, change the world.

The Double Standard of Modesty

I'm turning over a new leaf. It used to be that when someone did something I thought was stupid I'd smack my forehead and think to myself, "What is wrong with that person?!" Now, I'm learning to see from others' perspectives, in an effort to understand what is wrong with them. I'm just kidding. But really, I figure most people are generally good and generally trying to do what's best for themselves and their families. Giving others the benefit of a doubt helps me to feel less annoyed at people and life in general.

That being said, I'm examining a new topic: childhood modesty in the LDS community. Allow me to illuminate where I come from. When I was growing up, I adhered to the strictest standards of modesty. Pretty much, if it's in For The Strength of Youth, I lived it. All my shirts had sleeves. All my shorts and skirts went to the knee, my swimsuits were always one-piece, and I never wore those tight belly shirts that were so popular. I grew up understanding that my body is special, made in the image of God, and that modesty is something God expects all of His children to observe. When it came time to enter the temple and make sacred covenants with God (necessitating the wearing of temple garments for the rest of my life), I threw out two or three tops that were questionable and I was good.

But now it's my turn to dress my daughter to those standards, and I'm having a problem. Everywhere I go, the clothes are just not meeting those standards. Why? It's the basic economic concept of supply and demand. The stores stock what people buy. So why then, in Happy Valley Utah, are all the stores stocked with sleeveless tops and short bottoms? Because people here buy them. Not just those who don't adhere to LDS standards, but regular, active, endowed LDS people. This is where the forehead-smacking-resisting feeling comes in. I'm perplexed.

I'm genuinely trying to understand why women I respect, who have strong testimonies of the Gospel are dressing their little girls as little divas. Here are a few of the things I imagine these moms are thinking:

1.Nothing. I think some of these moms don't even realize that what they are putting on their kids is immodest. (This blows my mind, but I'll get to this one in #2.)

2. "Modesty is subjective. You may interpret modesty as needing to dress like a nun, while I see no problem with a tank top or short shorts." As far as the Church goes, standards of modesty are clear. If the clothing wouldn't cover garments, it is not modest. These standards are spelled out even more clearly in the For The Strength of Youth pamphlet. I may be extreme, but as this is publication is written by prophets and published by the Church, I see it as scripture.

3. "Modesty is not a commandment." The scriptures tell us very clearly that your body is a temple, and if you defile it, God will destroy you. I guess it boils down to how you interpret the word "defile". But as in every commandment, there is a spectrum of ways to break it. You are of course, free to choose the level of your obedience, but it is a commandment.

4. "Modesty only applies starting at a certain age or place in life." What? Why? If it is a doctrinal principle, it is eternal. Moral standards are not affected by age. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Right? I see this going both ways, for good or for bad. Allowing your kids to fudge the rules when they are kids teaches them that the Gospel can be lived a la carte. When children aren't old enough to decide for themselves or provide their own clothes, it is our responsibility to teach them by example.

Working with young women, I see that modesty is something they sometimes struggle with. Especially as they get a little older and begin going to school dances and things, these girls are faced with a real challenge when it comes to having the will to follow the standards they are being taught. If these standards are relatively new, and aren't something they've been expected to live all their lives, you can bet they will have a much harder time when they are in their teens, facing pressure from the media and from their peers. Those who have already made modesty a lifelong habit are given the advantage.

If you don't hold your kids to this standard, I'll do my best to give you the benefit of a doubt. I'll assume you simply haven't thought about it in that way, or that you don't think it's a big deal. I know we all struggle with different things, and no one needs another pointing finger telling us we're not good enough. We need to pick our battles in this momming business. I just ask that you pick the battles that will most benefit your kids, not just in this life, but forever.

Moms Needed! Apply Below.

Looking for a bright, rewarding career as a mom? Please review the job description and requirements and apply below!

Job description: 24/7 nurturer, care giver, succorer, magician, playmate, disciplinary figure and educator

Minimum qualifications:

• Unlimited patience
• Unconditional love
• The ability to operate on minimal amounts of sleep. Always.
• A vast imagination
• Stamina against negative criticism and acceptance of positive criticism. 
• Food handling and nutrition qualifications
• Physical fitness, despite malnutrition and lack of traditional exercise
• Astute listening/interpretive skills, especially in foreign languages (ie toddler, baby and screeching)
• Knowledge in the proper procedure for the removal of bodily fluids (and feces) from all household items, as well as hair, skin and clothing
• Car seat mechanic
• Physical strength: must be able to lift and carry at least 50 (flailing) pounds several blocks
• Mediating
• Juggling
• Balancing
• Never-ending supply of positive reinforcements
• Ability to shower and prepare for the day in under 15 minutes
• Complete control over your own temper
• Excellent communication skills
• Excellent budgeting skills
• Empathy
• Forgiveness
• An excellent sense of humor
• Must be willing to work graveyards, weekends, holidays and on-call.

Additional skills desired:

• Singing, drawing and dancing
• Therapeutic massage
• Sewing
• Selective deafness
• Hypnosis
• Speech therapy
• Psychology
• Plumbing
• Intuition
• Martial arts/self defense
• Indifference to seeming higher qualifications of other moms
• Detective work
• Extra arms (and we don't mean weapons)

If this sounds like you, please send in your resume! All applicants will be asked to demonstrate a few of these skills in a small, enclosed space with an adrenaline-injected chimpanzee.

Keeping Score

On one of my blogs (I know-- seriously, I have three) I recently reflected on the words of Elder Oaks. He spoke of what motivates us to serve, and how the most noble motive is love-- for the Savior or the recipient (it's all the same).

Often people serve out of sense of obligation, and although I believe that's not necessarily a bad thing, there are better reasons to serve. Sometimes we find ourselves in sticky situations. In said situations, there are often people who reach out to help us, if we let them (another blog for another day). When we receive that help or service, it's natural to want to return the favor.

Don't.

Serving out of a sense of obligation or indebtedness is hollow, and I'll tell you why. Service ought to originate from a sense of love. Although it is natural to want to pay someone back or return the favor, you shouldn't. This comes from a desire to be even with the person. Repaying someone for their kindness or generosity dispels the feelings of humility and in some cases, humiliation, and restores your pride, allowing you to go on feeling self-sufficient and independent. Simply stated, it's the easy way out.

If you truly want to repay someone for a gift they have given you, whether it be physical or not, love them. Get to know them better. Care about them, their life, their family, their job. Let their challenges become your concern, and their triumphs your happiness. And then, if you happen to feel like doing something for them, it will be for the right reason. Not to get even, not because they "deserve" it. But because you love them, and you want them to be happy.

Half-Full

It's almost noon. My kids are still in their pajamas. I am still in my pajamas. The baby is stuffed into the bouncy chair, all swaddled up and staring up at me like, "So are you gonna play with me today maybe?" My daughter is coloring in a magazine and singing loudly, some mash-up of "Give, Said the Little Stream" and "I Am a Child of God". My hair looks like that of a mental ward inpatient. Pretty sure I smell kind of like a yak. The living room is littered with a combination of children's books, junk mail and an odd assortment of socks. The bed isn't made, the laundry is waiting to be done and there are still some remnants of last night's dinner on the stove.

Looking around me, I feel overwhelmed with what I haven't done. But then I remember what I have done.

I made dinner last night. Enough for leftovers, in fact, so my husband can have a lunch today. I gave my baby a bath last night, and rubbed him down with Aquaphor so his itchy skin feels much better. I was up with both my kids during the night, tucking in their blankies and feeding my son. I was on my knees this morning, expressing my gratitude for another day with my beautiful kids, and asking for the sanity and energy to love them the way they deserve to be loved. I made some awesome oatmeal for breakfast that I shared with my little girl. I ate it, fed her and managed to pump 4 ounces of milk--at the same time. I sifted through health care providers online to find a dermatologist. Close by. Who is female. Found one and scheduled an appointment (daughter still singing loudly in the background), while juggling my baby boy and his pacifier. I played Hide and Seek with my little one, and helped her make a puzzle while her brother was sleeping. I talked to a friend who is having an even rougher morning than I am. I took a minute to re-discover snow with Zoey. I told my husband I love him, and kissed him before he went out the door. I didn't yell when my toddler woke up the baby for no apparent reason. I lit a nice-smelling candle. I opened the blinds upstairs and let the sunlight in. I cuddled my kids. Both of them! One at a time.

It's not even noon yet. I'm wiped out, and looking around (and in the mirror) I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. But I have. I'm a mom. I've chosen my priorities, and today my kids won. They are warm and full and happy. They are healthy and growing and learning. They know that I love them.

And they love me, smell and all.

The Love/Sin Paradigm

I like to use a lot of satire on here, and I joke about a lot of things. This is not one of those posts.

Earlier this month they Gay Pride Festival took place, and with it, the annual Gay Pride march. Last year some LDS people shocked the nation by joining in the march, literally embracing their gay or lesbian fellow-marchers. Comments came pouring in-- surprise, admiration, condemnation, uncertainty and skepticism were just a few of the themes. Many people didn't know what to think. "Aren't Mormons anti-gay?" "Who put them up to that?" etc. 

I have to admit, that this kind of reaction made me a bit sad. People think we hate homosexuals? They think we hate... anyone? 

The truth of the matter is that accepting people and loving them with Christlike love is one of the core doctrines of our belief. Indeed, we proclaim ourselves to be followers of Christ. He taught by both sermon and example that all mankind deserves love and kindness. He taught us to serve, love and treat our fellowman with goodness. At no point did He ever instruct us to condemn people, to demean them or to disrespect them in any way. Not once did He say, "Well, in the special case of such-and-such kinds of people (like Samaritans, who were widely hated by the Jews at the time), it's okay to do a little mud-slinging and snubbing, because they're different. They don't live the way we do." And we uphold that in our doctrine, in our teachings and as best we can, in practice. 

As in any religion, not all Mormons understand and practice their own doctrine 100%. In fact, I'd say none of us really do, or we'd be perfect. We go to church every week to be reminded of these important teachings and virtues, and then go out into the world, ready to try again to be a little better. When we slip up, we do what we can to make it right. 

So for years, I was baffled, wondering why anyone could say we hated anyone. Never, in my entire life of near-perfect church attendance did I hear a teacher, speaker or general authority admonish us to turn our backs on anyone, or treat them any less than the way we would like to be treated. 

Finally, I think I've figured out what the real problem is. The real rift comes in with the concept of identity. People all over the world, LDS and non-LDS alike fall into the trap of believing that you are what you do. In other words, people love labels. They may be a great cook, so they call themselves a cook. They might have a hard time waiting for things, so they label themselves "impatient". They may really love playing computer games, and are thus labeled, "gamer". People like to categorize themselves (and other people), and often feel that this act of labeling them makes them a part of something. That sense of belonging is comforting to people, and it often tells them how they should act, think or feel. 

The teachings of Jesus Christ, however, tell us that there are really only one kind of people: people. We are all spirit children of God, and as such we all need love, acceptance, repentance and forgiveness. All of us. We all sin, we all make mistakes, we all have the makings of wonderful, indeed perfect, people. The problem with labeling ourselves is that what we do is almost always temporary. Our behavior does not define us. Our choices, although they have much influence over who we may become, are not always a reflection of who we truly are. I believe that people are no more or less that the deepest, most earnest desires of their hearts, regardless of mental, physical and emotional weaknesses. I believe that most people, deep down, want to do what is right, and are therefore good people. Do good people do bad things? All the time. And that's why religion and the Savior exists-- to help those who want to be better do just that. 

Satan, the adversary, would have us believe that we are what we do, because then we will never move on from that. One of the most important principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is progression. Without it, we are, literally, condemned. (Think of a river being stopped in its progression downstream by a dam. Same concept.) Satan wants us to be comfortable with our behavior-- so much so that we feel it is who we are, and can never change. In fact, we don't want to change. Why change who you are? Just be yourself! These are the subtle types of messages he sends us. 

The Lord, on the other hand, invites everyone to repent (meaning change, progress, improve) and do all we can to become like Him. We are imperfect and prone to making mistakes. He is perfect and never errs. 

Now, the LDS church doesn't condemn people. But they do condemn certain behaviors. And this is where the misunderstanding takes place. We are taught that alcohol is bad for our bodies, but never are we told to hate and put down those who consume it. We are taught to keep the Sabbath day holy, but are never taught that we are worth less if we disobey. We are taught to live the law of chastity, which forbids sexual relationships to occur outside the bonds of marriage (which we believe can only exist between man and wife), but never, and in no way, are we taught to treat homosexual individuals with anything less than love and acceptance.

What many people fail to understand (and it makes me SO frustrated to see this) is that I can and do love people even though I don't love some of the things they do. Yes, it is possible to have full and unconditional love for someone who practices things I disagree with. It is the very gospel of Jesus Christ.

Even from the cross, as the Savior hung there dying, He spoke with love and forgiveness toward His executioners. Did He condone their behavior? No! Did He say, "Well, it's okay to beat and whip and crucify the Son of God, because I love you."? No. To the woman caught in adultery, did He say, "I accept what you're doing because I love you"? No, He forgave her and urged her to "sin no more" because He loved her. He loved the sinner, but (harshly, outright and without shame) condemned the sin. We are taught no differently. 

The Prophet and Apostles have been very outspoken and very bold in proclaiming sexual activity between anyone other than husband and wife to be immoral and unacceptable to God Himself. It is no matter of opinion. It is a matter of right and wrong. They have taken a lot of flack because of it, being called intolerant and closed-minded. We, as members of the Church have been called haters because of our beliefs. But please understand this: the Savior lived what He taught, and although He was kind to all, never once tolerated sin. He forgave when He felt that repentance was genuine, but never gave any place for people to continue sinning. Read the New Testament! It's all there. Yes, it is possible to truly love people (and treat them with kindness and respect) even though you do not embrace some of the choices they make. Jesus did it. Why shouldn't we?

Backalley Banshees Part II

Six months later, the saga continues.

When I last wrote about my noisy neighbors, it was winter, and the children were making themselves merry, banging the sidewalk with snow shovels and sliding down the lawn, screaming all the while. Now it's summer, and school is out.

My daughter is on a pretty set schedule. She takes a nap at 1pm every day, and as I'm nearing the end of pregnancy and need as much rest as I can get, I nap when she does.

Cue screaming.

As I said in my previous post about this, I get it: kids have fun. They play. They scream a bit. Not these kids. They scream as loudly and constantly as possible, leaving me to wonder at the stamina of their little vocal cords.

The last few times this has happened, I've gone outside, calmly talked to the children and told them they needed to be a little quieter. This usually worked for a couple weeks before the noise level started creeping back up. I've tried different approaches, from cool understanding lady to stern shut-the-heck-up-now woman. The only permanent thing I've accomplished is making the neighbor kids avert their eyes whenever I come outside and pretend I'm not there.

I've done a bit more observation and have come to realize that their parents seriously don't care what they do. There is a bank-owned house next to mine, and the kids have spent hours in the yard there, vandalizing it and trying to break in through the window well. I've told them off for that too, but what really astonishes me is that this, as well as the screaming, is all done even while the parents are outside, working on their car or cleaning out the garage, apparently oblivious to their children at all.

The last time my nap was short-changed due to a (I kid you not) 4 hour long screaming session, I decided it was time to escalate things and talk to the parents. I had been careful to be kind and neighborly to them, without seeming overly interested or like I was trying to get buddy-buddy with them in case this day ever came. The mom seems nice enough, but I was still unsure. I called a trusted neighbor whom I believed knows the woman and confided my issue to her, asking whether the woman was approachable and how she might react. She told me that normally, this woman is very kind and easy-going, but as far as her kids are concerned, very defensive. On this head she has made a few different "enemies" in the ward. She told me that the woman's parenting style was very "free-spirited", and that she believes in raising her kids in a minimal discipline environment.

Sigh.

Normally, I have no problem confronting people to work out issues we may have. But it seems that not only would she disagree with me in the first place that her kids should show a bit more consideration to those around them, but she would most likely throw me into the "enemies" pile and hate me for the rest of the time we're neighbors. Talking to them will probably do far more harm than good. Not exactly a solution.

So after talking it over with my hubby, we decided maybe it was better to try to deal with things on our own. I've started trying to take naps on the couch downstairs, as the window faces the opposite side of the house. Today, my nap was again interrupted by the screaming. Incredibly, they were loud enough in the back yard I could hear them clearly from the front.

I've just about had it, but it seems like I'm running out of options. I could use ear plugs, but then I wouldn't hear Zoey when she wakes up. At this point, I'm just not sure what else there is to do about it. These kids have no respect for adults or authority or the lives and possessions of other people. Their parents aren't much better. If I don't get more sleep soon, I may go berserk. The worst part is, I know this is just the beginning.

Easter

Easter is my very favorite holiday. It's not a common favorite, but it's mine. Is it because I love bunnies? Do I have a passion for hunting for plastic eggs hidden in the grass? Perhaps I just like eating ham and potatoes. Actually, I'm not a huge fan of any of these things. (Okay, I do love ham and potatoes, but that's beside the point.)

Easter is my favorite holiday because of its true meaning. Not this:

Or even this:

But this:

This is truly what Easter is all about. Indeed, what the Gospel of Jesus Christ is about.

We all know that holidays are becoming more and more commercialized. Most of us realize that Easter is not about the candy and the bunnies, although these things are nice. What most Christians fail to see, however, is that Easter isn't even about the death of our Savior. So much focus is placed on the laying down of His life for us. And while this is a true and good thing, the point is not that He died for us; it is that He lives. The son of God descended below all things that He might triumph over all. And this, so that we might also overcome anything and everything that is difficult about life. Because of Him-- through Him, we can overcome death, sin, pain, and any other difficulty we may experience as part of life. 

Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. He paved the way for us toward immortality and eternal life, and for that I am unspeakably grateful. 

As you eat your chocolate bunnies and enjoy the company of your families this holiday, remember Him and what He has done for you-- not the dying part, but the overcoming part. This is where true happiness lies.

Happy Easter.

Dani

Write Right...ly

Lately I've been in the market for a new stroller. I want one that I can put both my kids in without having to buy a new car seat too. I'm very picky and very stingy. So, knowing that it might take me months to find exactly what I want, at  price I can afford, I started looking when I was only about 3 months pregnant.

By far, the best deals I've found are on KSL. I love shopping on KSL. I love selling there too, knowing that I can get a little cash for something instead of taking it to DI. I like being able to do that for other people too, and know that I can pay less than half the cost for a lot of things, second-hand.

I'm no marketing expert, but some people's ads make me cringe.

Last summer when Gavin and I used to go yard "sailing", we found that a lot of people would post on KSL when they were having one and what kinds of things would be for sale. It was way better than driving around and hoping to find good ones at random. Several times I came across an ad that would look something like this:

"yard sell 2morrrow moving 2 idaho 4 job change have alot of stuff need to sell asap come by & check it out"

Seriously? Did you actually want anyone to come? How are we supposed to know when or where it is? Why do we care where you've moving or why? Ever heard of punctuation? Spell check? No? Okay well I guess you weren't serious about actually selling anything.

So today I went online to see what kind of strollers had popped up over the week. Up to this point, I had found a favorite and was just waiting for the right price. They usually sell (used) for around $200. Ouch. But every once in a while one comes out of the woodwork and if you jump on it you can get it for a great deal. So today, I'm looking through the double strollers and come across this ad:

"Double Stroller
We bought this stroller one year ago so we don't need the double anymore. Good conditions no tears or holes. call or Text Ok 120.00 obo"
followed by a grainy picture taken by a phone and posted sideways.

Sigh

So I text the person listed as the seller and say, "What model is your stroller on KSL?
Seller: What do u mean?
Me: Who makes it? (And just to be extra clear,) What is the name on the side of the stroller? (I can see something printed on the side but can't make it out in the photo.) 
Seller: Graco
Okay, that's a start...
Me: Okay, but you don't know what model of Graco it is? It should say on it somewhere.
Seller: Let me check
Seller: 2007
*facepalm
Seller: 7b11cad3
(Now I'm starting to laugh. They can't be serious! So then I do a bit of research, find out what models of double strollers Graco sold in 2007 and come up with three.)
Me: Is it a DuoGlider, Ready 2 Grow or Quattro Tour?
(Long pause, during which I blow up the grainy sideways picture and try to decipher what it says)
Me: Looks like maybe a DuoGlider? Do you know if that's right?
Seller: Yes is duo glider
(These sell for $40-$80 on KSL, so I am no longer interested.)
Me: K, good to know. I'd include that on your ad if I were you. Thanks for checking.
No response.

Wow. Good luck with that.

Some of you think it's funny or annoying that I put so much stock in using proper writing skills. This is part of the reason why. When your writing makes you look like a fourth grade drop-out, NO ONE WILL TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. This is most applicable to resumes. Don't even get me started on resumes. To quote my dad, "This resume says to me, 'Please don't hire me. I don't want a job.'"and that's putting it nicely. Same to the seller on KSL. "Please don't buy my stroller! I just posted it for fun."

Learn to write. On Facebook, when you're at your leisure, fine. Use dumb acronyms for everything and spell things horrendously. Say "alot" when you mean "a lot, and "awe" when you mean "Aww", and "your" when you mean "you're", etc. I'll cringe, but no one that matters will really care (unless your boss frequents your page). But when you sell something, sell it! If you want to be taken seriously in an ad, a resume or any public forum, write properly, or don't be surprised when you don't get the offer you wanted.

Backalley Banshees

It's time for a good, old-fashioned rant.

So my husband and I recently bought a house in an HOA. While not a fan of the HOA itself, we agree with most of the rules set in place, and at the very least the reasoning behind them. We try to follow them pretty closely, and stay under the radar. 

One of the biggest emphases in the agreement is the attention given to noise control. Especially in the early morning and late at night, they expect people to be quiet. I get that. People sleep when the sun is down. I've gotten pretty used to how nice it is when the neighborhood gets quiet at night. I sleep better, and heaven knows we could all use that.

Until recently.

We share a back alleyway with four families, and our bedroom window faces that alleyway. It's where people's garage doors are and the garbage is collected. Noise in the alleyway echos off the back walls of the houses and amplifies it just a bit.

There is a family to whom, up till recently I hadn't given any special attention. But that all started to change when one week, inexplicably the early morning silence was shattered by the sounds of screaming children. I'm not talking about the playful sporadic kinds of screaming that I associate with play. I'm talking about the kind you expect to hear in an ER when a child's limb has been ripped off, or the kind that might occur when a child is in danger of being kidnapped by a child molester.

Every morning. Every single morning. 

And then it started to happen in the afternoons too. I always know when the kids are home from school because the screaming matches have begun. Funny how that's also the same time I put my daughter down for a nap and try to catch a few Zs myself, as I'm growing another human being. Hilarious.

Today when the screaming began, I went to the window to make sure it was the people I was thinking (so that maybe I could talk to the parents or something) and maybe figure out what all the fuss was about. The little girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs that her brother was a "poo face" was holding a snow shovel. I thought of going down to talk to the kids, but then I realized that all I was imagining myself doing once I got there was taking that snow shovel and whacking her over the head with it. Maybe not such a good idea. 

But all this got me thinking. Don't their parents know? Can't they hear it too? Don't they realize how annoying this is? Are they even home? And then, where do the kids get it from? I know I may not be able to relate entirely with having kids of that age (around 8 and 10), but I have kids. I've taken care of lots of kids. And one thing I know for certain is that they need boundaries. Not just for the convenience of momentary good behavior, but also for their psychological health. They want to know where the boundaries are, and they will push and push until they find that wall. When kids don't get the boundaries they need, consistently, they spiral out of control. And that is when the kids take charge of the parents. The parents become slaves to their own kids' tanrums, never knowing how to get them back under control, never knowing how they lost control to begin with. (Obviously I'm not talking about the kid in the grocery store who randomly bursts out because he doesn't get a treat, or the one in the restaurant who bangs her knee and starts to scream. I have all patience for those situations because they happen to everyone. But seriously, not everyone's kids scream their heads off twice a day for half an hour at a time.)

Parents, be the parents. Love your kids enough to say "no". Be strong and consistent with them, and your life will be a lot happier. And your neighbor probably won't go berzerk on them (or you) one day.

Real Intent

I had an exemplary mission president. One of the most important lessons he ever taught me was about judging. (The fact that we need to execute judgement throughout life aside,) he taught me that God judges us by not only our actions, but by the intentions behind them, as well as the desires of our hearts. Likewise, this is how we should judge the actions of others.

I was thinking about this recently, as I was reminded about how often people misjudge one another because they make assumptions about intention, or disregard it altogether. For example: Two women decide to divorce their husband. With this much information, the women and their actions look identical. However, the first woman is in a highly abusive relationship in which the husband refuses to work things out. The second woman is simply tired of her husband and the way he throws his socks on the floor. Are their actions the same in this light? Obviously not.

I suggest to you that if we knew the whole story behind the actions of others, we wouldn't be so harsh in our judgments toward them. My husband once told me a story about a man on the road who was driving like a crazy man. He was speeding, cutting people off and weaving in and out of lanes. His fellow drivers were enraged, honking and cursing at him. What they didn't know was that the man had valid reasons for driving the way he did. His son had been involved in a horrible accident and had only minutes to live. This loving father wanted only to see his son one last time to tell him goodbye.

Extreme, I know, but here's the point: You don't always know why people do the things they do, and you will be much happier with yourself and people in general if you simply learn to give the benefit of a doubt.

Think about it: Thinking the worst about people and their choices results in anger, frustration and resentment that you carry with you and share, so considerately, with your friends and family. Assuming the best of people cultures a forgiving, understanding nature.

So next time someone does something that makes you want make a voodoo doll of them, just stop and think of what good motives they could possibly have. You'll feel better, your friendships will be stronger and your maturity will grow. Others will be impressed by your kind-heartedness and will strive to become what you presume they are. Win-win!

Overhaul

As my best friend recently pointed out, it has been a long time since I've posted anything. So, to appease her as well as myself, here I am... posting something.

I don't have much time to write anything new today, but I will copy something I posted on Facebook a few weeks back. This was in response to some snide remarks I received in response to something I posted, about which I was very excited. The rude response more than popped my happy bubble and made me realize that some changed needed to be made. Here is what I said:

To my Facebook friends;

I've been thinking a lot about the internet lately and reflecting on some of the wisdom of the General Authorities of the Church.  I’m sure I’m not alone in noticing all the people who threaten to leave Facebook, just to pop back on after a month or so. Some of you are seldom on, but some of you can’t let a day pass without checking status updates. Let’s face it: it’s the new way to keep up with your friends and acquaintances. It’s also a new addiction.

Like all technology, social media can be used for good or for evil (or bits of both). We've all had the experience of logging off only to be surprised at how much time has passed. It is time consuming and usually without much benefit.

I've often thought of closing my account, only to realize that I have many friends (especially those from other countries) with whom I would be hard pressed to stay in contact if I chose to leave. I've also remembered how easy it is to get the word out if we have something we want to tell everyone at once. And so I've stayed, feeling a little trapped and wishing there was an easy alternative.

So why is it that people so often wish to leave social media? Surely they aren't all time-wasting addicts who don’t have the self control to log out and live physical life. I have the answer: because people online are mean. It’s that simple. It is just easier to say mean things when you don’t have to see a person’s face or hear a person’s voice as they react. People feel empowered through the internet, because they are distant, and because there is so little accountability. People on Facebook are bullies.

No, not all of them, but enough to make just about anyone want to leave.

As a result of this experience, and not wanting to lose contact with many of my hard-to-reach friends, I've resolved to make some changes. I’m not leaving Facebook (at least for now). But I have put it to the chopping block. 

In the first place, I don’t add people with whom I’m not friends. Simple enough: if I wouldn't stop and say hi, chat and tell them the same things I am writing as status updates, I don’t friend them. If we’re just not that close, why should they know all about my day, see pictures of my kids and hear all about my latest struggles?

As an alternative to this, people might just want to demonstrate some restraint in what they publish online. Some people would rather compete for the “Longest List of Friends” award, and if this is you, I advise you to be very careful about what you say. Think of some of the most obscure friends you have and then imagine saying the same thing you just wrote, to their face. (Your religious leader, your old roommate, your grandma, your ex, your sister’s friend’s husband, etc)

Personally, I like the freedom to be open in what I say, so I stringently filter my friends list.

Secondly, I have resolved to make Facebook a place where I (and my friends) can go to be uplifted, supported and loved. I will do my best to be kind, understanding, compassionate and uplifting to those with whom I come into contact. If any of my Facebook friends are unkind or demeaning to me then I delete them. Just like that. There is no room on my Facebook page for meanness, whether it is directed toward myself, my friends or my relatives.

From now on, I am hoping that I can change Facebook into a tool for good, instead of a time waster and a means to allow my supposed friends to tear me down. I do realize that most people are mostly good, and that people don’t usually intend to hurt others. Generally, when writing mean things online, one is being a cynic, insensitive, or just not thinking enough. Think, people. Think through the things you write. If you would not like to be on the receiving end of what you are about to say, don’t say it. Exercise a little more self control, a little more sensitivity, and a little more charity.

Facebook can be a place where friends connect, the Gospel is shared and people support one another. It is my hope that others will catch on to this concept and resolve to make their own online interaction consistent with these ideals.

I know I have been a bit of a cynic or a critic to some of you in the past. I apologize and ask your forgiveness. If you cannot forgive me, or don’t feel that interacting with me is uplifting or positive, please unfriend me. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as do I. If ever I do offend you, please come to me in person, or through a personal message and allow me to correct my mistake. I promise to do the same in return.

Well, that about sums it up. I don't want to quit Facebook, but I can make it a better place. I think this really does apply to many other modern situations. Be nice. 

Blowing Off Steam

Have you ever thought of the phrase "blow off steam"? This phrase refers to the need to relieve pressure and hot air in order to prevent an explosion. It's an accurate description of the human need to express one's feelings, or risk the explosive consequences.

I have a philosophy that my friends and family are all very familiar with: say what you mean and don't say it if you don't mean it.

It can take a lot of courage to say exactly what you think, especially if you were brought up in a family environment where adverse opinions were frowned upon and discussing anything controversial was thought of as "fighting". If this is the case, you have probably avoided confrontation ever since, even at the expense of friendships and close family relationships. This is unhealthy, and can only lead to superficial relationships, at best.

People need to learn to express their feelings in a way that is truly productive. The trick is finding the balance: choosing your battles, so to speak. When is it worth it? When not saying anything will do even more damage than speaking your mind.

Those who learn to speak their mind are often surprised at how quickly and easily things are resolved once they do. They ball up their fists and brace themselves for the big blow, only to find that their recipient is, albeit taken aback, willing to work with them. Assuming they have a semi-rational audience, their issues are usually treated with respect and understanding. Your delivery is huge too. Don't expect even the most rational and mature person to keep their poise if you throw a personal attack.

It's okay to disagree with a person's opinions and choices. It's alright to voice your thougts about they way they treat you or the way in which they conduct their lives, in some circumstances. There is a time and place for all of that. There is no place, however, for mud slingling and name-calling just for the sake of ill feelings. Just because one wants to argue does not mean one needs to fight.

Please say what you really mean. Please stop holding grudges. Grudges will eat you up from the inside and burn relationships to the ground far faster than anything I know. Make place in your life for constructive, honest expression of feelings.

So the next time you have a conflict with someone, ask yourself, is this something I can resolve on my own? If not, say something. You will feel better, you will be more honest, and your relationships will take on new depths you never knew were possible.

The Manliest of All

I'm going to try to say this as reverently as possible.

There is a wild misunderstanding out there that I feel the need to correct: the Savior of the world was no wuss.

Look at an illustration of Jesus Christ. Many of the depictions you'll see show an emaciated, delicate, weak-looking man that I feel is a very poor representation indeed. I attribute this to the misinterpretation of way the Savior was described as "meek" and "lowly in heart". He was humble and gentle, but He was no wuss.

Jesus was a carpenter. In Jerusalem, there aren't a whole lot of trees. In fact, the dwellings are built out of stone. He was not a carpenter in the same sense that we in the US understand it. He was a stone mason. Due to the demands of His profession, He had a large and exceptionally strong stature.

Jesus was no stranger to discipline and rebuke. Anyone who has read the New Testament has seen, repeatedly, that the Savior had no problem dishing out reproach when it was deserved. Indeed, if the reader understands the context in which He was speaking, He often said things that make me understand why people would be angry enough to crucify Him.

However, He was perfect. He knew when to say what needed to be said, and He knew how much to push people to help them learn. He understood perfectly what was in the hearts of those among whom He lived, and His motivation was always perfect love, and a desire to help others repent and seek salvation. He understood perfectly the balance between justice and mercy, and often saw fit to freely forgive those who broke His laws.

Sometimes though, the best thing He saw fit to dispense was sharp rebuke.

So when I hear people insisting that we don't interfere with those who spit in the face of what the Savior stood for, it makes me kind of mad. Forgive me for breaking the social norms and having the guts to stand up for what the Lord taught; I'm merely trying to follow His example, and He was no wuss.

To Ollie

It didn’t happen the way it usually does, with all the sweaty palms and the pounding heart. I didn’t feel scared or nervous, but I knew I needed to get up and just say it. For weeks I had thought of what I would say, how I could explain myself. For weeks I had stewed over the topic, and now the time had come to say what was in my heart: it was time to tell it like it is.

I stood up and addressed the congregation, and proceeded to bare my testimony. It went something like this:

I know that God is real. He lives, and is aware of us, and loves us with an infinite love. He loved us enough to send His son, to live for us and to die for us, so that we might find happiness in this life, and someday return to love with Him. Jesus Christ gave us the gospel, a way of living and an organized means whereby we might learn what He would have us do and become. That gospel is found today, in this church [The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints].

But more importantly than what I know is how I know. I know this is true because God Himself has told me, in a way that was almost audible to my ears, that it is true. He has confirmed it to me again and again in a way that nothing could make me deny. No person could say anything to take that away from me. Historians and scientists may prove it wrong, and I will still know that it is true. Because they don’t know it the way that I do. They don’t understand it the way I understand it. I know it is true, and I will never deny it, come what may.

I wasn’t intending to be dramatic, attract attention to myself or put on a show. I needed to say those things, because they have been exploding out of me for weeks. I needed to tell people, not just the what, but the why.

The truth will stand, boldly, independent and without flaw, whether millions believe it or no one at all. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, does or thinks. The gospel truth cannot be altered by man, though he may endeavor to make it appear untrue.

 When God speaks truth to a person, and not in a subtle way, I believe it becomes that person’s duty to share this with others. I know that not everyone receives revelation in the same way. Jesus said that some are given the gift of knowing, and others, the gift of believing on the words of others. I know. It is that simple. I know! I have always wished I could touch others in a way that would help them catch the vision too, but even if I could, it would only be temporary. Each person must seek it out for him or herself, and then cling to it with everything they have. Storms will come. Fires will rage. Science and history will attack. In the end, those left standing will be few, but they are the ones who will stand with Christ and the persecution He endured.

I’m not putting myself on a pedestal. I still have a long way to go. I may know it, but I don’t always live it. I understand that I have been highly favored in many ways, and I try not to take that for granted. Still, God does not demand immediate perfection; He demands progress.

Ollie: Search your heart. What has God told you, when you have been humbly seeking, doing His will and obeying His commandments? Would God contradict himself? Can God lie? No. Surely, man can confuse us, and Satan is much more cunning than many give him credit for. But in the end, you know it too. The facts may seem to reject what you have known in your heart, but follow your heart. Stand against the so-called logical, and so-called evidence and over all, the subtlety and craftiness of Satan. Remember the witness that you received: It’s true. I know it. And so do you. Somewhere inside, you know, and I know you know, even if you don’t.

Miracles Are Done Away

What is a miracle?

Mormon 8:26 prophesies that the day will come when men shall say that miracles are done away. That day is here.

I recently had an experience in which a friend of mine shared a story about a child with terminal cancer. The child received a priesthood blessing and was healed. The doctors were baffled and it was proclaimed that it was a miracle. However, one of the readers wasn’t impressed. She had researched this kind of healing phenomenon and found a study showing that this kind of spontaneous healing can sometimes occur and has a scientific explanation. This was therefore, not a miracle, she said.

I have two problems with this.

One: Many people believe that things can be explained either by science or religion, not both. This is garbage. God is not a genie or a magician. He uses scientific means to accomplish His will. That does not decrease the wonderfulness of the act, only makes it more understandable. Some people prefer to think of God as some mysterious Being who cannot be understood in any fashion. It is easier for them to imagine an omnipotent, omniscient Being if they can in no way relate to it. While I understand this preference (only slightly), it really seems quite silly to me. God is no less so because He utilizes the laws of science to bring to pass whatever He deems good. He is logical, consistent and rational.

Two: Just because something can be explained it is no longer considered a miracle? I must disagree.

If you were to take a man from the 1800s, bring him here and show him a computer, it would knock him off his socks. You look at it and see that it is made of wires and plastics and electricity, but he would see it as nothing short of a miracle. Is a miracle simply made of things you cannot explain or understand?

A couple years ago I saw a book which explained away the stories in the Bible by showing, using science, how the plagues and miracles were wrought. For example, there is apparently a bush in Egypt which can spontaneously combust and remain on fire for several hours. This, as was explained in the text, is the rational explanation for what Moses experienced; nothing more, except maybe some mild psychosis on Moses’ part with all that hearing of voices. Honestly, it made me laugh. So what if there are bushes that naturally burn in Egypt? God can use whatever He wants! He’s God, remember?

Bringing it back to the scripture in Mormon chapter 8, people no longer see miracles today, not because they have stopped happening, but because we are finally starting to figure some things out. Our technology has advanced to the point where we can sometimes nick the surface of understanding how God does what He does. For many people, this takes away the magic of it all, and I suppose that’s because that’s what their faith relies on: magic tricks. Harsh, but true nonetheless. If God is only God because you can’t understand Him, you don’t understand the purpose of religion. Jesus invites everyone to “come unto” Him and to strive to be like Him. Knowing that we are never given any commandment which would be impossible to follow, it stands to reason that He intends us to learn to understand Him, else how could we ever learn to be like Him?

God lives. Miracles still exist. Whether or not you choose to see it that way is entirely up to you.