Love @ Home: Living the Dream

When I was young and began dating, my dad gave me this bit of advice (among others): When you are dating, keep both eyes wide open. But when you get married, only keep one eye half open. If you're not familiar with the phrase, it means that before marriage, it is important to be very aware of any flaws, weaknesses or incompatibility so you can assess whether or not you can have a successful relationship, and so you can make effective adjustments. But when you get married, the time for filtering is over, and you must choose to be happy with your choice, by minimizing faults and flaws and focusing instead on your partner's strengths.

Much of this is common knowledge, to some degree. But I've recently had my eyes opened to a near parallel of this concept that I hadn't before considered: home ownership.

When you are searching for a home to buy, you are thorough and try to weed out any homes that might be problematic or too much of a strain. You aim to stay within your means while accommodating your family situation, work location and other community factors. Once the house papers are signed and the keys are yours though, does that change?

I live in a neighborhood full of beautiful houses. Most of them boast more than 4 bedrooms and have more than enough square footage for a family of 6. Many have large, landscaped yards and lavish extras throughout. All are within walking distance of a community park and church, and a 10 minute drive to the local grocery stores and restaurants. Yet despite all these rather luxurious circumstances, I've heard several of my neighbors express (within just the last 2-3 months) that this is "obviously" not their dream home, and that they really have something much better in mind.

Why?

Maybe I'm just young and naive and still getting used to the idea of owning my own home at all, but after nearly 3 years of this, I'm still over the moon about my home! I can paint it however I like! I can run around and yell and play my music without disturbing neighbors with whom I might share walls or the floor (unlike in an apartment). I can come and go as I please, and let's not forget this most important detail: I chose this place for my home. 

I guess what I'm having a hard time understanding is this: why are people waiting to be totally happy with their living situation until they have found their absolute ideal home? Is it from a feeling of entitlement and accompanying lack of gratitude for the massive and incomprehensible blessing and privilege of owning a home of your very own? Maybe that's too harsh. Perhaps it's the idea that we should always be working upward toward a larger goal. Whatever it is, I propose that we not put off happiness in our living arrangement until we realize our dreams. 

One thought about dreams:

Some dreams are better left as dreams. Sometimes it is a beautiful thing to have something to daydream about and wish for but never actually attain. Some things, if given to us are tarnished by the reality of the hard work, maintenance and ultimate monotony with which they will eventually come. Some things are better left as a shining thought to turn to when our own humongous blessings manage to become monotonous to us.

If you are fortunate enough to have a place to call your own, remember why you chose it. See the good in it, the potential it contains and the memories it can provide. See it for the good, warmth, safety and shelter from the world it gives to you and just remember that your "normal" home is someone else's dream.

Cautionary Candor

I'm going to approach this one with relative caution, because it is an issue I see all too frequently among my friends on social media. My disclaimer: I am writing this in a effort to protect you and your kids.

I don't like scare tactics, and I apologize if any of this comes across as such. I will do my best to present facts and avoid sensationalizing the subject.

The topic of the day: nude or  semi-nude pictures of your kids on social media.

As many of you know, I've taken a rather hard-nosed approach to modesty, and this may be an extension of that stance. Regardless of my personal feelings on the matter, here are some things for you to consider:

-Sexual predators are getting smarter and sneakier than ever before.
-Pedophiles and predators are very patient and spend months and even years "grooming" their victims, including the parents of potential victims. This means that the take the time to build friendships and trust so that they will not be suspected.
-Not all sexual predators are known and documented. Some of them, either documented or not, likely live in your community.
-Statistically speaking, it is likely that at least one of your social media followers has pedophilic tendencies.

That said, I am feeling more and more concerned about the number of nude or semi-nude photos I've seen my friends share of their children. I get it-- they're adorable! They're just little kids! But in my opinion, there is no place for child nudity on social media. Many parents choose not to share photos of their children at all, and although this may be extreme, it is one of the only ways of preventing any predators or pedophiles from accessing images of your child.

Simply put, you just don't know where your photos may end up, who may be seeing them, and what they may be getting out of them.

There have been numerous disturbing reports lately of social media users who have stolen images of other's children in order to claim they are their own, or use them as bartering material on child porn sites and forums. This is sickening to me, and largely preventable.

What can you do?

1. Refrain from posting images that could be construed as sexual or explicit.
2. Refrain from posting images that show more skin than you would be comfortable with a pedophile viewing. (This includes bath photos, cake smash photos, or just chillin' in diapers or undies photos.)
3. Be aware of your privacy settings and only allow those you trust to view photos of your kids at all.
4. Change your settings so that you must approve images others tag of you or your kids or put on your profile in order for them to be posted.
5. Use your head. Think before posting.

These are some of my own personal preferences. I know most of you won't (or maybe don't even need to) change anything as a result of this post, but I urge you to at least put a little more thought into the pictures you share. In all compassion for those who struggle with child attraction, don't let your kid be one of their triggers. It may not be your responsibility to keep others' thoughts clean, but it is your responsibility to protect your children from those who might see them as anything more than cute little babies.

Sneaky Sodium

The Great Divide

It used to be that Americans in general became more and more overweight. Obesity became the epidemic that was universal across all demographics, and people didn't seem to know what to do about it. Fad diets, weight-loss pills and natural remedies abounded. Finally, people began to wise up. In the past decade, a revolution has begun. More and more people are taking control of their health, and consequently, losing weight. There is a growing division between those who are taking control and those who continue to follow the comfortable road.

The Education

While the Internet has been readily available to most of us for over a decade, many Americans are just beginning to tap into the wealth of education it provides, beyond the vast collection of memes and images of cats. We are starting to take advantage of the information that is freely available to us, and to utilize this resource in the improvement of the quality of our lives. Empowering and informative websites have become a regular part of our lives, and we are learning, once again, how to learn.

As we've become more educated about the human body and how it works, we have learned a lot about fats. As we've focused on ridding ourselves of excess body fat, the fat in our diets have come into focus. Those in marketing caught onto this way of thinking and countered with a new line of "low-fat", "fat-free" and "reduced-fat" products. Yet Americans continued to gain weight. As time went on, research brought us into a new way of thinking. Now the focus is on sugars. Many people are pointing the finger at these simple carbohydrates as the perpetrator of Fat America. People are beginning to wise up, and it is helping them lose weight.

The Hidden Culprit

And yet, with all this education and all this understanding, we are missing one of the biggest and most prevalent problems. The number one killer in the US is heart disease. This is caused by many things, but one thing stands out: sodium. Sodium is an extremely common ingredient that takes the form of numerous preservatives throughout our diets.

The Misunderstanding

Many people, upon hearing the word "sodium" automatically think of salt. While salt is made in part by sodium, it is not one and the same. When people think about the sodium in their diet, they think of the things that are salty: potato chips, French fries, meats and the extra salt they sprinkle on top of their veggies. What they fail to understand is that some of the foods with the most sodium are things that don't even taste very salty! Canned foods, boxed dinners, deli meats and anything else with preservatives have far higher sodium content than your salt-sprinkled broccoli. Even the bread products you consume have surprisingly high sodium content.

Dieticians recommend that we consume 2000 milligrams or less of sodium per day. The average American consumes 4000-5000 milligrams of sodium daily, and it is no wonder people are dying every day of heart disease. High sodium intake increases water retention in fat molecules and interstitial space. In can increase blood pressure and contribute to obesity and chronic illness.

So yes, we understand that we should go easy on the butter. We know now not to drink our calories and avoid excess sugar. We know we should exercise regularly. But it's time to get a handle on the sodium problem. Take a look at the labels on your food and you will be surprised at how much sodium you really do eat.

A Balance

I'm not suggesting that sodium is evil and should be made illegal in the US. What I am saying is that it is poorly regulated and that a balance needs to be achieved.

My husband and I decided to make a goal to consume 1000 milligrams or less sodium each day. Within a month we each dropped 10 pounds. We felt more energy and general wellness.

As we continue the crusade for our own health, it's definitely something worth investigation.

Effectual Gratitude

This time of year is beautiful. The air turns crisp, crunchy leaves cover the ground in bright, happy colors and the smells of warmth and good food come from homes all over the neighborhood. As Thanksgiving draws closer, many are reminded that they have so much for which to be thankful. Many compile lists, or name the objects of their gratitude online. Some make it a matter of prayer, to thank the Lord for their blessings.

We are all truly given so much in life, whether we see and acknowledge it or not. At times of gratitude, we may ask ourselves how we can better show our appreciation for what we have been given. Many of us are fairly adept at using words to express our gratitude, whether in a note, in conversation, or in a simple “thank you”. But when it comes to showing it, we are sometimes at a bit of a loss.

Knowing that I should treat others the way I wish to be treated, I decided to turn this scenario around. When I give a gift, how do I want appreciation to be shown for it? Thanks are nice, yes, but more than that is the actual attention given to the gift: to take care of it, and to use it. If I give my friend a gift and she says “thank you” but never uses it, or lets it get ruined, her actions seem to contradict her words.

Let us be people of action, and not words alone.

Some of the greatest and most important gifts we are given in life are that of stewardship. The Lord trusts us with responsibilities that are large, and often daunting. He gives us lucrative careers, warm homes, spouses and children. He gives us talents and strengths. How can we show Him our gratitude? It is in the way that we treat these things.

Show gratitude for your job by doing it well. Show gratitude for your home by keeping it clean and in good repair. Show gratitude for the people in your life by treating them with kindness and respect. Show gratitude for your family by giving them the very best you have, and not whatever is left over after your job, religious and social obligations are met. Love the things you are given. Cherish them in practice. Couple your words of thanksgiving with true evidence of appreciation.

As we strive to express our gratitude, the meaning of the season will fill our souls with warmth and light.

The Far-sighted Present

I recently found myself caught between two very different worlds. I was clicking through some creative photo shopped images online, and stumbled across a gruesome photo of a little girl, brutally killed in the Gaza conflict. The person who posted it was making a point that there are more important things to be viewing and educating ourselves in online than tiny people inflating raisins to make grapes.

It worked. The image shocked me and shook me up.

As I turned to the news to get an idea of what was happening in the Middle East, I felt all the feelings I usually feel when reading grim news stories: Shock, pain, frustration, confusion, depression and hopelessness. My view of the world began to darken and I felt helpless to change it.

Then my son squealed with delight at something he was playing with and my attention snapped back to the present. My home, filled with light and life. My family, who gives me daily joy in the challenge of parenting and homemaking. My husband, who encourages me and strengthens me. My beliefs, which buoy me up and give me direction.

Across the globe, wars continue to rage on. And what is to be done? Where should my focus be? I don't want to in any way downplay the horrible and catastrophic events that take place each day. They are real, and serious, and deserve some attention.

Some, but not all.

I embrace the philosophy of living in the here and now. I need to appreciate the peace and the calm and the order that (usually) prevails in my home. I have a purpose in life, and although I believe in being educated in current events, I believe that that education should not overshadow or replace the current events in one's own home. We may learn from the conflicts of others, so that as we strengthen our own home and our own family-- the fundamental unit of society-- we can, in our own small way, and in our own scope of responsibility, change the world.

The Double Standard of Modesty

I'm turning over a new leaf. It used to be that when someone did something I thought was stupid I'd smack my forehead and think to myself, "What is wrong with that person?!" Now, I'm learning to see from others' perspectives, in an effort to understand what is wrong with them. I'm just kidding. But really, I figure most people are generally good and generally trying to do what's best for themselves and their families. Giving others the benefit of a doubt helps me to feel less annoyed at people and life in general.

That being said, I'm examining a new topic: childhood modesty in the LDS community. Allow me to illuminate where I come from. When I was growing up, I adhered to the strictest standards of modesty. Pretty much, if it's in For The Strength of Youth, I lived it. All my shirts had sleeves. All my shorts and skirts went to the knee, my swimsuits were always one-piece, and I never wore those tight belly shirts that were so popular. I grew up understanding that my body is special, made in the image of God, and that modesty is something God expects all of His children to observe. When it came time to enter the temple and make sacred covenants with God (necessitating the wearing of temple garments for the rest of my life), I threw out two or three tops that were questionable and I was good.

But now it's my turn to dress my daughter to those standards, and I'm having a problem. Everywhere I go, the clothes are just not meeting those standards. Why? It's the basic economic concept of supply and demand. The stores stock what people buy. So why then, in Happy Valley Utah, are all the stores stocked with sleeveless tops and short bottoms? Because people here buy them. Not just those who don't adhere to LDS standards, but regular, active, endowed LDS people. This is where the forehead-smacking-resisting feeling comes in. I'm perplexed.

I'm genuinely trying to understand why women I respect, who have strong testimonies of the Gospel are dressing their little girls as little divas. Here are a few of the things I imagine these moms are thinking:

1.Nothing. I think some of these moms don't even realize that what they are putting on their kids is immodest. (This blows my mind, but I'll get to this one in #2.)

2. "Modesty is subjective. You may interpret modesty as needing to dress like a nun, while I see no problem with a tank top or short shorts." As far as the Church goes, standards of modesty are clear. If the clothing wouldn't cover garments, it is not modest. These standards are spelled out even more clearly in the For The Strength of Youth pamphlet. I may be extreme, but as this is publication is written by prophets and published by the Church, I see it as scripture.

3. "Modesty is not a commandment." The scriptures tell us very clearly that your body is a temple, and if you defile it, God will destroy you. I guess it boils down to how you interpret the word "defile". But as in every commandment, there is a spectrum of ways to break it. You are of course, free to choose the level of your obedience, but it is a commandment.

4. "Modesty only applies starting at a certain age or place in life." What? Why? If it is a doctrinal principle, it is eternal. Moral standards are not affected by age. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Right? I see this going both ways, for good or for bad. Allowing your kids to fudge the rules when they are kids teaches them that the Gospel can be lived a la carte. When children aren't old enough to decide for themselves or provide their own clothes, it is our responsibility to teach them by example.

Working with young women, I see that modesty is something they sometimes struggle with. Especially as they get a little older and begin going to school dances and things, these girls are faced with a real challenge when it comes to having the will to follow the standards they are being taught. If these standards are relatively new, and aren't something they've been expected to live all their lives, you can bet they will have a much harder time when they are in their teens, facing pressure from the media and from their peers. Those who have already made modesty a lifelong habit are given the advantage.

If you don't hold your kids to this standard, I'll do my best to give you the benefit of a doubt. I'll assume you simply haven't thought about it in that way, or that you don't think it's a big deal. I know we all struggle with different things, and no one needs another pointing finger telling us we're not good enough. We need to pick our battles in this momming business. I just ask that you pick the battles that will most benefit your kids, not just in this life, but forever.

Moms Needed! Apply Below.

Looking for a bright, rewarding career as a mom? Please review the job description and requirements and apply below!

Job description: 24/7 nurturer, care giver, succorer, magician, playmate, disciplinary figure and educator

Minimum qualifications:

• Unlimited patience
• Unconditional love
• The ability to operate on minimal amounts of sleep. Always.
• A vast imagination
• Stamina against negative criticism and acceptance of positive criticism. 
• Food handling and nutrition qualifications
• Physical fitness, despite malnutrition and lack of traditional exercise
• Astute listening/interpretive skills, especially in foreign languages (ie toddler, baby and screeching)
• Knowledge in the proper procedure for the removal of bodily fluids (and feces) from all household items, as well as hair, skin and clothing
• Car seat mechanic
• Physical strength: must be able to lift and carry at least 50 (flailing) pounds several blocks
• Mediating
• Juggling
• Balancing
• Never-ending supply of positive reinforcements
• Ability to shower and prepare for the day in under 15 minutes
• Complete control over your own temper
• Excellent communication skills
• Excellent budgeting skills
• Empathy
• Forgiveness
• An excellent sense of humor
• Must be willing to work graveyards, weekends, holidays and on-call.

Additional skills desired:

• Singing, drawing and dancing
• Therapeutic massage
• Sewing
• Selective deafness
• Hypnosis
• Speech therapy
• Psychology
• Plumbing
• Intuition
• Martial arts/self defense
• Indifference to seeming higher qualifications of other moms
• Detective work
• Extra arms (and we don't mean weapons)

If this sounds like you, please send in your resume! All applicants will be asked to demonstrate a few of these skills in a small, enclosed space with an adrenaline-injected chimpanzee.