When I was young and began dating, my dad gave me this bit of advice (among others): When you are dating, keep both eyes wide open. But when you get married, only keep one eye half open. If you're not familiar with the phrase, it means that before marriage, it is important to be very aware of any flaws, weaknesses or incompatibility so you can assess whether or not you can have a successful relationship, and so you can make effective adjustments. But when you get married, the time for filtering is over, and you must choose to be happy with your choice, by minimizing faults and flaws and focusing instead on your partner's strengths.
Much of this is common knowledge, to some degree. But I've recently had my eyes opened to a near parallel of this concept that I hadn't before considered: home ownership.
When you are searching for a home to buy, you are thorough and try to weed out any homes that might be problematic or too much of a strain. You aim to stay within your means while accommodating your family situation, work location and other community factors. Once the house papers are signed and the keys are yours though, does that change?
I live in a neighborhood full of beautiful houses. Most of them boast more than 4 bedrooms and have more than enough square footage for a family of 6. Many have large, landscaped yards and lavish extras throughout. All are within walking distance of a community park and church, and a 10 minute drive to the local grocery stores and restaurants. Yet despite all these rather luxurious circumstances, I've heard several of my neighbors express (within just the last 2-3 months) that this is "obviously" not their dream home, and that they really have something much better in mind.
Why?
Maybe I'm just young and naive and still getting used to the idea of owning my own home at all, but after nearly 3 years of this, I'm still over the moon about my home! I can paint it however I like! I can run around and yell and play my music without disturbing neighbors with whom I might share walls or the floor (unlike in an apartment). I can come and go as I please, and let's not forget this most important detail: I chose this place for my home.
I guess what I'm having a hard time understanding is this: why are people waiting to be totally happy with their living situation until they have found their absolute ideal home? Is it from a feeling of entitlement and accompanying lack of gratitude for the massive and incomprehensible blessing and privilege of owning a home of your very own? Maybe that's too harsh. Perhaps it's the idea that we should always be working upward toward a larger goal. Whatever it is, I propose that we not put off happiness in our living arrangement until we realize our dreams.
One thought about dreams:
Some dreams are better left as dreams. Sometimes it is a beautiful thing to have something to daydream about and wish for but never actually attain. Some things, if given to us are tarnished by the reality of the hard work, maintenance and ultimate monotony with which they will eventually come. Some things are better left as a shining thought to turn to when our own humongous blessings manage to become monotonous to us.
If you are fortunate enough to have a place to call your own, remember why you chose it. See the good in it, the potential it contains and the memories it can provide. See it for the good, warmth, safety and shelter from the world it gives to you and just remember that your "normal" home is someone else's dream.
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